.

remember me remember me

2005-08-13T04:11:42Z

i hate goodbyes i hate hellos.
why are the bottoms always the ends and the tops are the middles.
i don't even understand the things that we do.
the summer is ending big chunks of it are over i am sad.

supertangerine @ 2005-06-11T20:05:00

2005-06-12T00:08:13Z

it's pretty weird talking to old loves that are still real loves about sleeping in the garden and eating roses and sweaters and relationships and potential summer visits and missing.
i sound so emo when i talk about love but it's actually real feelings, what what!
loneliness is a disease and my life is an island.

meh

2005-06-08T06:12:12Z

telling people that are really amazing that you like them and having it result in strange feelings and jokes and saying things like i usually run away from girls and yeah there's definitely attraction but i'm not really all about anything leaves you feeling really weak but trying to be really strong. i guess i should shut the fuck up and feel lucky that this is really the first time this has happened to me, but it's just bumming me out.

supertangerine @ 2005-06-03T01:02:00

2005-06-03T05:03:00Z

crushing. CRUSH. restrictions. MEH.

avery

2005-06-01T04:08:12Z

i'm so sad at people who make me feel like dirt.
horses, children, outside, money.
this will be my summer.
solitary. simple.

supertangerine @ 2005-04-02T23:52:00

2005-04-03T04:48:26Z

hey i wish it was you here and that it was tuesday night like in this song and that my uterus didn't hurt.
but the raindrops are nice and big and i love that my sister is here.
i think the sleep pockets under my eyes are going to my head and feeling it with bad poison.

aqui no sera.

2005-03-17T04:43:20Z

today, i loved the salvador dali exhibit: the texture and intricacy was so nice.

supertangerine @ 2004-12-15T09:30:00

2004-12-15T14:30:41Z

my heart is a black bird that likes to fly.
i sit at home now.
i drink tea and i don't have to think about production of words,
but instead of the care of babes.
i leave for mexico in two weeks,
i miss the boy that i love.
when i drive and i listen to van morrison i think of hampshire,
and i miss the hearts that beat with mine there.
i miss the eyes that are pale but full of life that i'm used to waking up to,
and i hope the pieces of this puzzle are ones that will work.
it's almost christmas now and the songs are playing.

supertangerine @ 2004-08-21T02:05:00

2004-08-21T06:06:14Z

shit!
why is everything happening to quickly?
england, friends, college, camp for the kids..

time, come back!!!
(i'll be home in a week. call me then and come see me before i go to school!).

supertangerine @ 2004-07-15T01:06:00

2004-07-15T05:06:59Z

tomorrow morning it's off to england.

i'll miss you, lovely life.
send me emails: rcompton@wildmail.com

bye pretties.

supertangerine @ 2004-07-01T10:58:00

2004-07-01T14:59:56Z

lately i dream of dinosaurs and bones and people being buried and my ability to control my actions being stolen.

the beach was beautiful, the kids were perfect, and now shit is going crazy. i leave for england in two weeks. crap.

to the sea, the sea of love

2004-06-23T20:24:42Z

i want to tell you, how much i love you.

i'm pretty happy lately, but a little frustrated today. it's irritating to think that you didn't realize how beautiful the things in your life were until they are gone, and it's even more troubling to try and gain them back and not be able to.

i think i just miss all the pretty faces and unique minds that have flown through my life.

five years is a long time.

friday i'm going camping at the beach with wild ponies. nothing could be more perfect.

sorry studs...

2004-06-09T23:45:18Z

i love you naomi

taking heart-ache with hard work

2004-06-07T02:56:16Z

i'm just taking everything moment-by-moment.

i lost six pounds and it's sort of freaking me out because my weight hasn't changed for four years.

everyone seems to be feeling so negatively lately, and it's just making me want to be positive about my life all the more.

i do miss stuff, though.

supertangerine @ 2004-05-02T21:10:00

2004-05-03T01:10:58Z

my brain feels like it is sucked dry.

oh crap.

2004-04-28T02:59:54Z

helmets and dinosaurs.

bones are beautiful

2004-04-25T03:36:38Z

why is light such a beautiful thing?

supertangerine @ 2004-04-21T23:40:00

2004-04-22T03:40:54Z

isn't it awesome that i by accident posted a really big picture where you could see my nipple on livejournal for the world to see? did you see that?

it's hot shit, i guess.

the most beautiful things

2004-04-19T03:43:19Z

go here to read about things that are perfect. i miss you in my life.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/imoan/

why did you leave me?

2004-04-13T23:15:17Z

something more like a feeling..

2004-04-04T17:42:14Z

in the past week, i've turned nineteen, my friends dad died, my friend got run over by a car, i've thought a lot, cried a lot, and slept even more.

yesterday night i went to visit my friend who is stuck in his bed. it was so nice, really, to see him. but sad, too. he just has to lay there and look at the wall, or the t.v. he can't walk, sit up, or anything. pobrecita. i told him i'd bring him over some pictures for his walls, so at least he has some nice things to look at. he has thirty four staples in his stoumach, but might get them out on friday. alcohol is a powerful thing, but the human heart is a stronger one.

i can't wait to go to texas, where i will see familiar faces and be able to wear tank tops and tee shirts.

do you see the gum in my mouth?

2004-04-02T23:23:26Z

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<img src=http://img45.photobucket.com/albums/v138/supertangerine/peekchas/rachelsmile.jpg alt=holy shit i'm a weirdo, can you see the gum in my mouth? />

look at that funny mug.

mugs

2004-04-01T05:16:38Z

can somebody teach me to put pictures on my livejournal?
please?

supertangerine @ 2004-03-28T22:36:00

2004-03-29T04:09:59Z

i was born at a hospital in lewes, delaware at seven fifty a.m., weighing eight pounds nine ounces. my mom told me the only thing that kept her sane while i was being born was the peeling wall paper, it gave her something to focus on. as my hair grew in, i had a mohawk. at three weeks old, i almost died. lifestar helicopters flew me to johns hopkins hospital, i couldn't breathe. i talked early, walked late, was always by my sister sarahs side. we slept in bed with our parents until i was eight. at four, i taught myself to read. in first grade, i went home crying everyday because all we did was learn how to read. after this my mom took me out of school. i was homeschooled since then. i spent my days seeing the world first-hand. i played in the mud, explored the appalachian trail, played in the pond, wrote poems about caterpillars, love and babies. when i was ten we moved from connecticut, away from everything i knew. i think this is when i first remember feeling 'strange'. when i was eleven, i moved to pennsylvania. i started to feel uncomfortable in my skin. we lived in a big farmhouse on seventeen acres of land and my neighbors dog killed my pheasant and my rabbit. i was devastated. i started going to school part-time at upattinas. my first cd was cat stevens. my teenage years where busy, filled with people and experiences. when i was sixteen, i went to thailand and my whole life changed. when i turned eighteen, i spent my birthday with the kids in thailand and it was so beautiful.

today i'm nineteen. the day started out beautiful. the sun was shining, i slept late. i took my puppy for a walk in the park with my mom and my little sister. my family was in and out all day, and i spent a lot of time reflecting about my life and myself, about all the people who have flown into and faded out of my life. i was thinking about how this will be probably be the last birthday i spend with my family for the next few years. i spent the day waiting for us all to be together. when it finally happen, it was a disaster. i started opening presents and my dad yelled at me to hurry up because people had things to do, i don't know why, really. but it broke my heart, and i started to cry. everything escalated from there. i didn't want to go on with the "celebration" when everything felt so shitty. it's just not about the presents at all, it's about the feeling. now my dad and my two sisters and my brother are sleeping, my mom is grocery shopping. we didn't open presents, have cake, laugh or sing happy birthday. i'm still crying.

i guess i'm going to go to sleep soon, if i can.
it just feels really bad.

can you be where you want to be?

2004-03-26T23:49:49Z

i think when i feel things they are right from my heart, for real. that's why i sort of feel like my life is out of control and semi-irrational and helpless about my impulsive tears.

the weather was beautiful here today, at least.